Insults to enjoyment, we’ve got everything you need to spread cheer (or sarcasm).
10. “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings!”
Want to annoy your siblings or warm your grandma’s heart? Either way, this is the Blerp to do it.
Turboman ain’t got nothin’ on Arnold the dad-inator. Use this when your mom asks what you want with Christmas dinner.
8. “This Christmas music… it’s joyful AND triumphant!”
You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch, but you deliver some relatable lines for when we’ve been hearing Christmas songs since November.
7. “His heart was two sizes too small.”
Perfect for sending to your mom right after she tells you Santa is only bringing you coal.
6. “Bye, Buddy. Hope you find your dad.”
We’ve all plugged our noses and given Mr. Narwhal a good impersonation, but you can skip that this year and use the Blerp instead.
5. “Bend over and I’ll show ya.”
Honestly the perfect comeback for almost anything, you can use this gem from Christmas Vacation when your brother asks why you have the last Christmas cookie.
4. “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?”
The classic we’ve all jokingly answered the phone with since 2003.
3. “Now I have a machine gun, ho ho ho.”
Arguably the most action-packed Christmas movie of all time, Die Hard delivers some quality Christmas cheer, especially when Hans Gruber gets a message that he’s on the naughty list.
2. “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.”
From the childhood classic that inspired us all to build our own booby traps, spread Christmas cheer with mild insults and good intentions.
1. “Ohhhhh fuuuuudge…”
The mother of all bad words, the F Dash Dash Dash word. Use responsibly, and watch out for soap poisoning.